This past weekend I had the pleasure of watching many youth games during a tournament my son was playing in.  It was extremely enjoyable and it gave me the opportunity to speak with many parents both from my son's team and from others.  Many times parents and their sons/daughters get frustrated when their team moves up from one level to a higher level and the result are not favorable.  As an example my son's team won just one game out of the three even though in two games they were obviously good enough to have won both.  Two of the teams they lost to have been together for a long time and play in the state's top level league.  Our team has never competed outside the local league even though they are in the top division.  I am okay with this as my son is receiving good coaching and competing at the proper level to help him obtain long term success.  I told many of parents that there is an old saying credited to German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche that says "That which does not destroy us makes us stronger".  Many to prefer to talk about the coaches, opponents, teammates, etc and avoid the real issue that some struggles are good for kids and make them develop.  This why I advocate coaches using an empowerment approach to coaching centered on Teaching Games for Understanding (TGFU) concepts making them responsible for their own actions, accomplishments and failures.

I bring this up because last week one of my Cincinnati Kings (PDL) players, Branden Stelmak, invited me for lunch down near the University of Cincinnati campus where he plays for the Bearcats soccer team.  He is very frustrated because the Bearcats are having a season not up to par for their past accomplishments.  He is feeling the pressure and feels he needs to carry the team on his back.  Admirable traits but perhaps not realistic for the situation.  You see UC has only one senior and 14 freshman, many of whom are starting, competing in the powerhouse Big East.  Although all these players are very talented it is a big step up from playing high school and club soccer one month and then playing against players who are not only four years older but might have expectations to play in the MLS or even abroad the next. 

Branden and I have a good relationship if in nothing more that we both grew up in Cleveland, Ohio on the same street and share many of the same high school/club experiences.  He is a goalscorer and I always thought I was fairly useful around the goal and we both are hard workers.  Probably has something to do with the fact that our area was ethnic blue-collar and you are expected to do a day's work for a day's pay.  Branden is not one to shy out of putting his face in front of someone's boot if it means scoring a goal for the team to win. In fact the picture on the front page of the web site in the upper right hand corner is one of him (#15) scoring an important goal for the Kings in which he collided with the opponent's goalkeeper, sweeper and one of his teammates in a vicious collision leaving all four in heap and injured.  We literally had to carry him off the field yet there he was at training the next day ready to continue.  It was only after the season that he shared with me that he had a groin injury the entire season.

We talked about how he could best serve his team and coaching staff and reference was made to the above Nietzsche quote which he had never heard. We agreed he could adhere to it.  Having to struggle this year will make him a stronger player, a more competent competitor and a better person. That would be easy for him.  You see Branden is a survivor (well not technically for another year) of childhood Leukemia.  He contacted it when he was seven years old and battled the treatments for three years.  During that time he missed no school as his mother was determined that he would not miss being a normal child or use his illness as a crutch.  He was so weak from the treatments that he was not able to play soccer but he used it as a motivation to get his strength back.  When he had minimal strength but not enough to play in the field he became the goalkeeper so he could stay in the game he loved and be with his teammates.  You see Brandon is a living example of "That which does not destroy us makes us stronger"!  Think about him the next time your son/daughter says"It's too hard" or the "Coach is not fair" or blame someone else for the team's shortcomings!  I think "that which we make excuses for makes us weaker!"